As I sit at my desk today and look out the beautiful picture window I see grey. The sky is cloudy and it is drizzling. Typical fall weather in southern Ontario.
When the sun is shining on this same view the scenery is spectacular. Golds and greens and crimson. Bright yellow mums stretch their petals toward the sky for one last breath of warm air.
I find this foggy weather uninspiring and it got me thinking.
How do you get inspiration when you don't feel inspired?
And so I pondered....and while I did that I went for a walk..and then I picked up my guitar to play a few songs....and then I sang for a few minutes...and then I had a conversation with my son....and then I sat with my cat and my dog just to be present for a few minutes.
And so the time came for me to sit and write and it had occured to me that I was suddenly feeling inspired again. What had changed? The weather was still cloudy and misty: in fact it was raining a little harder by now. The trees were still shrouded in fog. The colours were still muted and shaded.
What had changed was my perspective. I had allowed mySELF to be present in the moment of being uninspired. I was just being and feeling how that felt. In other times I would have become frustrated and agitated but not this time. I have been working on being present. On being in the moment. On staying with the messes as well as the successes.
Coaching is all about staying with the mess when it is time to do so. Moving on can't happen unless you work through the mess. Feel the feelings, accept what they are, choose to live them and then choose to make a change.
I was feeling pretty uninspired two hours ago. Sitting with it, playing music with it, talking with it...instead of running from it...has caused a shift in my perspective.
No writer's block for me this time.
I worked through the fear of not knowing what to expect.I chose to face that fear rather than run from it. You can too!
How do you get inspired?
What do you do when you feel blue or melancholy?
Do you face it or do you run from it?
Learn to be present with it and I promise you, you will experience a change in your experience too.
Living la vida fearless, Jan

Yesterday was a day to share giving thanks with my husband's family. It is a tradition that started after my mother in law passed away and my father in law returned to his home town in Belfast, Ireland for much of the year. Old traditions die and new traditions begin and some get carried over to the next generation.
So we spent some time together. Hearing stories, from all the brothers and one sister, of growing up in Ireland...Five children, five perspectives. One made it sound like they had been neighbours with the McCourt family of "Angela's Ashes" another had only good things to remember.
Then it was time to go. My husband and I were going a little further north to my parent's country cottage. We were planning on having a bon fire, watching the brilliance of the stars on such a clear evening and waking up to the sun shining on the glimmering trees.
However, first we had to get there. We had been many times but this was a new route for us. A map in hand and memories at the ready we set off for our 45 minute trip to the cottage.
90 minutes later, after I had asked a couple of times if we were on the right road, my husband finally asked if we were on the right road. A map was consulted, a quick u turn and back we went from whence we had come. Another 60 minutes later we were still following our intuition and the stars instead of the handy map in my lap.
Explorers we are not. I know we weren't far from where we wanted to go...if we could only ask for directions. At one in the morning there weren't a lot of people around to ask so...home we headed.
When I finally made it to bed last night four hours after setting out from my brother in law's house I wondered what had exactly happened to have created the confusion.
Here's what I have discovered...I am sure I will uncover more as I ponder today...
We had a map. We didn't look at it initially because my husband knew the right directions. We took the wrong cutoff. I spoke up, but not too loud because I didn't want to question my husband's knowledge of his directions. We finally looked at a map but we didn't study it so we still continued to be lost. Just as we were reaching our destination the going got tough. We were tired, antsy and road weary...so, instead of toughing it out for a few more minutes we packed it in and headed back to safe waters. Not very fearless I am afraid.
This trip was much like life in many ways...If you don't have a map you wont 'get too far. If you do have a map, study it or you'll spend all your time going around in circles. If you have an opinion speak your truth. You may be right, you may be wrong...be something but silent...until the time for silence is also right.
Finally, instead of taking the time to finish the journey along new roads, we went for the safety of what always was. Of what was comfortable...In doing so we missed the brilliance of the stars, the smell of a roaring fire reaching toward those stars, the sun shining on leaves painted with colours reserved only for fall.
Next time we plan ahead: at least then if we are lost we will have been better prepared for the results. It's ok to be lost as long as you are ready to be stuck in the feelings of it...to relish in the confusion and the unknowing of it all....
What have I learned from this?
Listen to myself louder, study the maps, ask questions: even the experts can be wrong, speak your truth with honesty and integrity and finally, learn to navigate by using the stars like the explorers did! Finally, I learned, once again, that learning to live fearless takes courage and practise and truth.
Living la vida fearless,
Jan

She knew in her heart that this was the wrong thing to do. She could feel it down to the core of her soul. But...they were there...so many "Buts" and "Shoulds." So, she didn't listen to herSELF. She put on the beautiful white dress and her happy face and prepared to walk down the aisle. The wedding march played loud and clear. It sounded like a death march to her even then...so many years ago
Those friends "But" and "Should" would be with her for a long time. They were there the first time he hit her...I Should leave him But what would people think? I Should tell somebody But it would be embarassing to my family. I Should stop it But I know it won't happen again. Some friends aren't worth keeping. Some friends don't know when it's time to leave the party. But and Should were two such friends. They stayed for many, many years.
Children and work and taking care of a house...not a home but a house. All this time But and Should stayed around. Her other friends, her true friends, wondered what was going on. Why was she staying? What was she afraid of? Who was she afraid of? Him or herSELF?
It is difficult to understand why somebody stays with an abusive partner. Fear is usually the answer. Fear of not being able to manage alone. Fear of being poor. Fear of what people might think. Fear of looking like a failure. Fear that has been perpetuated for so many years by a partner who lauds their power over the fearless one like a cowardly lion. In truth it is the perpetrator that is the fearful one. .. stalking and striking control over another person. It's not normal, it' s not natural and yet, sadly, it is prevalent and common.
Finally the last straw. Something just snapped and she had had enough. It was time to face this fearful person. It was time to face her own fears. She had been to counseling and she had good friends. She was terrified but she knew that a change needed to happen. So, she confronted him. She spoke her truth. She spoke her wisdom and she spoke with honesty. She was also smart enough to have the backing of a court order just in case he didn't agree with her and decided to stay on.
He didn't. The fear of repercussion was strong for many years. Would he come back and harm her? Would he take the children? What was he capable of?
In the end the only thing he got was the money. It was a lot to lose but not really. She had gained her freedom. She had gained her power back. She was no longer fearless. She had begun living la vida fearless.
You may see her now. You'd never know it was the same person. The smile on her face. The relaxed muscles as she walks by. The laughter that fills the air as she shares a story with a friend. The memories still to come of her with her children in a safe, comfortable place. All because she chose to face her fears.
Abuse takes many forms. We often don't know who it affects. What we do know is that it causes fear in the heart and the soul. Choosing to change that pattern is courageous, brave and brilliant.
To all you brave warriors my blessings....Live la vida fearless every hour of every day.
Living la vida fearless.

Jan

www.tobeyourbest.net

In Canada this weekend marks our Thanksgiving. I have included some thoughts on how the season makes me feel.

The trees are beginning their winter change of clothes. The leaves that have dressed them all season are now dressing up in their party best...hues of gold and crimson and bright red adorn the branches and wait for the right time to fall. Their splendor will grace the ground until the snow hides it and they become lost to the earth. Come the first frost and that first hint of biting winter chill the trees will be on their own again.
Thanksgiving signals many changes. A change in season, a change in the weather and for many, a change in perspective, if only for a few days.
What will you give thanks for this weekend? Your family, your friends, your ability to have a job you love, your greatness in the world?
I will give thanks for my family, friends, of course my wonderful children and the fact that I live in a country that still honours freedom and integrity and loyalty.
As you honour this weekend with those you love, and those you miss, consider how fortunate you are to have the blessings you have.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Living la vida fearless,
Jan
Fearless Living Coaching Services
www.tobeyourbest.net