Living la vida fearless weekly edtion
November 28, 2006

Doctor's Waiting Room: A Happy Event

I had an appointment with a doctor this week. Nothing unusual really except that I was invited to see this doctor not because I was not feeling well, but because of the work I do. I was intrigued immediately. It's not often one gets an invite to have a discussion with somebody in the medical field about coaching. I was excited and really looking forward to this appointment. So much so, in fact, that I arrived half an hour early! Imagine that...arriving at a doctor's office and being told you have to wait and feeling like that was absolutely fine with you. I spent the time outside in the sunshine meditating.
I was curious to meet this doctor as they were interested in finding out how, and if, coaching could be an asset to their patients. I was intrigued by the holistic approach this could create for people who came to this place of healing.
I had a chance to sit in the outside waiting room for a few minutes and, since there was no reading material, I picked up the only piece of literature I could find. It was a manual: a user's manual in a sense, created by the medical team from this office. The manual clearly stated the doctor's mandate of providing the best medical care that she could with the tools she had at her disposal. The manual also clearly thanked her entire team, her gratitude at having such a great team and her gratitude for having such great patients. Wow! Further reading acknowledged that she was aware that time was always an issue, for the patient and the medical team. She acknowledged that she did not like running behind any more than her patients liked waiting in an office to see her. Another WOW! The manual clearly laid out the reasons that delays occur and the methods that the team used to try and alleviate them, while acknowledging that sometimes life just gets in the way: that they were all doing their best and that they hoped people would be compassionate and patient....Patient patients: hmmm, there's a concept.
That got me pondering, as I am wont to do, about the medical mess some people find themselves in. We are lucky in Ontario that we have "free" medical care. Having gone through a period in my life of being mis-diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, I know full well the needs of chronic care patients.
Let me share a little bit of my experience with you on this issue. I was 40 when I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. I began taking the medications immediately. I was one of the lucky ones with PD as I lived in a province where I did not have to pay to see my specialist and my husband had a great medical plan. I was to see the specialist every three months for six years before things changed. The medications I took cost more than $300 per month and I was on the low end of the scale for the amounts I was taking. I knew people who paid that out of pocket. That can make you poor really fast. Poor and ill...not a happy combination..But I digress.
I was lucky, as I said, to be receiving free medical care. The flip side to that issue is that the medical industry is over burdened, over worked, overwhelmed, under paid, (yes I mean that) and under thanked. It's not a job I would want to do and I am grateful there are people who choose this profession.
So, as time went on and I continued to show no more symptoms, the specialist only had me in her office for five mintues to "review" my progress. It took me more time to find a parking space!
Our conversations went something like this. The doctor, "So, how are you feeling?" Me, "Good, I'm feeling really good. Listen, is there any other way to check to see if I really have Parkinson's? " The doctor," Why do you ask?" Me,"Well, I organized a conference,workshop for People with Parkinsons this week and everybody in attendance kept asking me what my secret was? Why was I not "getting worse.? I had no answer. But I began to wonder if there could be an error in this diagnosis." The doctor," Jan, you're in denial. You do have Parkinson's. You have to accept that fact. Just be grateful that you're managing as well as you are...." Me, "Ok, you're the specialist. I trust your decision." In and out in five minutes...Big questions to be sure but the doctor was just so busy and this practise was a neurological specialty practise so there were, truly, people in a lot worse shape than I. I would leave the office feeling like I had not been acknowledged for my curiosity.
It took six years, four visits a year for six years, before I had a chance to get a second opinion from another neurologist. That's when I found out I had been mis-diagnosed. That doctor took the time to listen to me, to study my charts, to explore my history, to ask me questions. I was in that office for an hour and, in that hour, was told I had never had Parkinson's...that it was probably stress that had caused the tremor in my little finger. How did he know that? Well, for one thing, the tremors don't go away, even after you take the meds. That's part of the PD package. In one hour my life was turned upside down....again.
I had a chance to contact the original specialist to inform the office of the mis-diagnosis. I received a form letter indicating that an error in diagnosis can occur 20% of the time. And that's true: the rest of that story though is that there is another neurological problem such as ALS or Leweybody or MS. I had none of these. I was fine...I was grateful and angry and I told the specialist how I felt.
Here's the sad part of this for me. Our medical system is overburdened, overwrought with problems and overwhelmed. The people working in this business are paying exorbitant fees to insurance companies to cover mal-practise issues. They cannot, in my opinion, declare that they may have made a mistake for fear of being sued. The thought had occured to my husband that's for sure. Stating that they made a mistake leaves them wide open for litigation. Isn't that sad?
So, after many years of waiting in doctor's offices, of being told I was ill when I was not, of not being acknowledged, I wondered what to expect at this meeting last week. I went into this office with eyes wide open, perspective parked at the door and a heart full of kindness for this great person. I was not disappointed. I had heard a little bit about the doctor from one of her patients....she raved and for good reason.
What was it that felt so good about this office and the team? They acknowledged their patients: they set boundaries: they presented different perspectives: they stated what they knew and what they did not know: they provided an open, inviting opportunity for frank dialogues and they acted with integrity. Wow! Wouldn't it be great if we, as patients, could create an environment like that with our medical teams? Perhaps we can. Perhaps there is room for both sides to create a wonderful place of healing....I sure hope so.
Oh, and the piece de resistance in this office? The wall art. Beautiful water colours painted by the doctor's partner. Bright, happy, joyful colours framing the walls for all the world to see. What a lovely visit I had. I left the office feeling light of heart and full of inspiration knowing that this doctor was truly doing the best for her patients. What a great person. Oddly enough, there is no way to get in to see this doctor as the practise is full and they aren't taking any more patients. Perhaps they could teach what they do to others in the field...Now that would be cool!
What about you? Do you set boundaries? Do you adhere to them? What would it be like to be able to say yes or no to something and stick to that? Thoughts? I am always happy to receive your comments so send me an email if you want to add to this discussion.

Thanks for listening,

Living la vida fearless,

Jan

There's an Elephant in my Room..
There's an elephant in my room. He's big and he's taking up a lot of extra space. I feed him peanuts and straw. And, of course, water...he needs water....
My room was pretty small before the elephant showed up: now I can hardly move. He doesn't do much either. Just eats and drinks. Sometimes I jump on his back and go for a ride but it's not much fun cause the room is so small...we just go around in circles and then we're back where we started...
I can't really take him outside cause the neighbours would think I was crazy to have an elephant in my room. Some of the neighbours have seen him but not all of them. They don't say much actually.
He's really in the way, he isn't much of a conversationalist and, to be honest, he really smells awful. And the mess....I don't have enough gardens to compost all of his crap....I could fertilize all of Toronto with his waste....That's a lot of B.S. or I guess it's E.S.....
Don't get me wrong, I like elephants, but not in my room.......
I guess I could ask him to leave, or force him out, or pay somebody to take him away...But, I don't know where to start so I think I'll just have to get used to having him here. I really wish he'd just leave on his own... But NO....he just stays on, bugging me and using up my food and taking up all this room and smelling.... I really wish he'd go away...What am I supposed to do with an elephant in my room? And why did he pick me to come and stay with? Why do things like this always happen to me? He could have gone next door: they like animals, they have a dog....
It's funny really, when you think about it....there's an elephant in my room and nobody says anything but I know they all know...I wonder why they don't talk about my elephant. Well, if they're not going to say anything than I'm not: that's for sure. Maybe they haven't really noticed and I'm just being overly sensitive.
Or maybe not....Come on it's a dam elephant for goodness sake: who wouldn't notice that? Why doesn't somebody just come along and take him or rescue him or something? Why isn't anybody helping me out with this? Stuff like this is just so typical for my life. Well, I guess if he's not leaving I should probably add on an extra room or something for him to keep him warm in the winter....
There's an elephant in my room.....Did you notice?
Do you have an elephant in your room? What do you want to do but can't? What's stopping you? What's your elephant? Do you make excuses for your elephant....“well he can't really manage without me....it wouldn't be nice to just let him go“... Do you pretend he's not there? “What do you mean I'm wrong? I never make mistakes.“ What excuses do you make for him? “Oh him, the elephant, well he can't really help himself. He always loses his temper when he runs out of peanuts. Just ignore him.”
Want to make some room in your life: get rid of an elephant?
Fearless Living Coaching Services.....we're not afraid of elephants....
Is coaching for you? Complimentary discovery sessions available.
Janet Auty-Carlisle Fearless Living Coaching Services 647 298 7444 www.tobeyourbest.net
It's only peanuts to get rid of an elephant....

The Freedom of Democracy

The sun didn't even promise to make an appearance as my husband and I headed out this past Saturday. We were headed to the
local Cenotaph for the Remembrance Day ceremonies being held in Port Credit. I wasn't sure what to expect since this was the first
time we had been to such a ceremony in our new community but I had a pretty good idea. Pomp and circumstance, Flander's Fields
being read, bagpipes and taps being played. Ritual and ceremony.
A crowd of about 150 people were milling about as we arrived, ten minutes to eleven, on November 11. "The war to end all wars"
is what those in the front lines called it...And then there was the second world war, and the Korean War and the Vietnam war and the
war in the middle east now....Would that those words could have been true...."The war to end all wars..." indeed.
The rain began just as the bugler started his rendition of taps. Umbrellas went up as the rain came down: cold and wet and
miserable. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable in my little jacket and running shoes. As I thought about my chill I felt a chill run
through my body: listening to the words of those who could not be there through the words of the poem "Flanders Fields." "We shall
not rest" Indeed.
A thought suddenly occured to me as I listened and watched and reflected. Had these people not gone to war for their beliefs,
for their honour to their country, for their patriotism and their down to the core belief that what they were doing was the right thing...had
they not sacrificed their lives I would not be standing in the cold rain feeling chilly.
I began to think about what it must have been like for these men,mostly, in the trenches. Away from home, cold, wet, scared,
hungry, fearless in their belief that they were doing the right thing...
Two minutes of silence for years of sacrifice. Hardly seems a fair exchange. The rain is falling and it's hard to know which are
tears running down my face and which are tears. It doesn't matter.
I am grateful to these unknown soldiers who gave up their futures so that I, and my family, could have ours. I am grateful that
I live in a country, in a town, in a region that allows me to consider whether I agree with war or not. I am grateful that I can voice my
opinions in these writings and in my talks and not have to worry that I will be silenced. That is freedom. They did that for us. I do not
know who they are and I am eternally grateful to them.
You live in a country that allows you to choose what you want to do with your life, where you want to live, who you want to
spend time with, how much money you want to save, where you want to travel. This freedom is a gift. What will you do with your
choices? What offers do you see from the freedoms you have? What barriers do you see? What's a way to "climb out of the trenches"
if you will and face those fears to make those dreams come true. Finally, what are you waiting for?
A history of the making of "In Flander's Fields"...

Just as I was finishing this story I heard this song...It's relevant and it only takes "A Pittance of Time" to watch...
Enjoy...

(click on the video icon to see the movie.)


Thanks for listening,

Living la vida fearless,

Jan