October 15, 2007

Going Home, Coming Home...and what if you don't have a home?f You Can't Beat Them....

I've been travelling lately and I've just returned to the place I currently call home.My husband and I took advantage of his time off as a firefighter and headed west to visit our beloved daughter on the coast of BC. I can see why they used to say "go west young man." Surrounded by mountains and never more than 30 minutes to the ocean the place she calls home is quite beautiful. I miss her terribly but she's so happy and I'm a mom who is happiest when my children are well and full of joy. What more can I ask?

While I was driving today past the river I had the luck to see a flock of geese making their way north along the river's edge. I thought to myself "they're heading home" just like I was doing. But what did that mean: heading home, coming home and going home?

When I returned home I started raking leaves, a wonderfully fall thing to do, which allows me the opportunity to ponder and reflect: so I did. Going home, coming home, heading home.....what if you had no home?

While I was away I met many people who are travelers of this place we call Mother Earth. They have been to Nepal, Tibet, China, Turkey, Iran, Mexico, Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Europe....so many places. They did not have a place that they called "home" except to say that the Earth was their home. Fascinating conversations from fascinating people: I learned a lot from them but one of the things I heard from many of these travelers was that they would prefer, right now, to have a place to rest for a while: a place of their own: a place to make their own little nest in this part of the world. They were ready to stop traveling for a little while but it wouldn't be in the place I met them. That's just way too expensive and there is too little affordable housing: so on they go. That made me sad for the loss they would be leaving within that community.

I have worked with street kids in the past: it's something I love to do. They don't have homes either, most of them, but luckily they may be able to find some sort of affordable accomodation in a big city. I know I will get people asking me where to find such housing and I don't have an answer for you but it's a heck of a lot easier here in Toronto than where I just came from.

Coming home evokes many images for me: safety, warmth, comfort, familiarity, family, safe shelter and safe havens from the many storms of life. Going home is, to me, about traveling, being on a journey and knowing there is a place to return to....I wondered what it must feel like to be constantly moving, nomadic, never settling, not knowing where "home" will be for the next night. It's fun for a while but doesn't it get wearying?

I don't know what the answer is for homelessness. I have a few ideas though. They involve people opening their doors, sharing with people they don't know, stopping to acknowledge a homeless person and asking if they need help instead of stepping over their gear in the middle of the street, offering financial aid, giving up some of our hard earned dollars to support those not so fortunate as us, supporting people who can't support themselves. Instead of NIMBY (not in my back yard) I suggest we start a IMBY (in my back yard) campaign. Get to know people, learn what makes them tick, what they love, what they want to do...you'd be surprised at how similar we all are if you stop to take the time....How cool would that be?

This week, when you step out into the air, and it feels a little chillier than it has for a few months, won't you take some time to acknowledge those who don't have the choice to step out of their own homes? I have asked people in the past why they won't stop and talk to people on the streets and the usual reply is "I'm afraid they might hurt me." Well let me tell you this..that could happen. But, if you are living your life with integrity, not acknowledging another person hurts you even deeper.

Me....whether I'm coming home, going home or staying home I'll do my best to stop and see how I can help.

Thanks for listening.

Living la vida fearless

Jan

I was out with my younger sister this weekend. We had so much fun! Laughing and telling stories and shopping and listening to some really interesting, and not so interesting, speakers and just spending some time together. I started to think about what it was like when we were kids: how much fun we had together: how much history we have with one another. I know I do not have such a bond with any other person and I am grateful to all my family for the wonderful memories I have from them. That said, I began to think about the times when we were kids and we were really looking forward to a special event. For us the event to beat all events was Christmas: the smell of yummy food cooking, the scent of a dark green pine tree all covered in shiny baubles and candy canes, the warmth of the house amid the cold wintry weather, our cousins coming to visit and the mayhem a gaggle of kids could create but most of all....most of all was the arrival of the man himself. Mr. Santa Claus. How he ever managed to land his sleigh on our roof was a mystery but I never wondered long: I was more focused on what was inside that big bag he had with him in the sleigh. It was hard to fall asleep on Christmas eve. Cookies made and set out for Santa and the reindeer, lights on the tree lit up shining a path for Santa to see in the dark...."Ok off to bed" our parents would holler and then, just to be sure we'd listen "If you don't go to sleep right away Santa won't stop by!" Won't stop by? We'd cuddle in together, the three girls, and try to sleep, eyes pressed tightly together. "Wait, what was that? I thought I heard bells on the roof." "Hey, did you hear something that sounded like hooves on the top of the house?" It went on all night....
When my children were little we used to get even more dramatic. Santa would take a few minutes out of his trip to call them and make sure they were ready for bed. He'd ho, ho, ho himself off the phone and leave the kids in giddy anticipation of his arrival.
At least a month before Christmas we would start counting the days...20 more sleeps, 15 more sleeps, 5 more sleeps....until the final night, Christmas eve, the last sleep: the anticipation was just so overwhelming nobody ever got any sleep. But that was ok too 'cause the wait was worth the fun.
I started thinking about anticipation recently as I am looking forward to something myself. It's not Christmas and I'll tell you soon but for now you'll have to wait. What does anticipation mean to you? Does it make you nervous or frustrated? Do you just wish that the event would just hurry up so that you could enjoy it? Personally I love anticipation: it's edgy and full of, well, anticipation, the unknown and somehow known as well...
Anticipation shows up as jitters sometimes, perhaps when you are starting a new job or a new school. It can be scary and nerve wracking...but always inevitable.
Do you have any secret rituals that you do to manage your anticipation? I'd love to hear them...
So, for me, in 8 more sleeps, I'll be seeing my beloved daughter. I haven't seen her in 6 months so I'm really excited. I think I'm even more excited than when my sisters and I waited for Santa!
Thanks for listening....
Jan

If You Can't Beat Them....

This weekend marked an international annual event called Earthdance (www.earthdance.org.) It's a day of celebration, peace dances, ohms for peace and drumming for peace. The event was held at more than 340 venues worldwide. I went, accompanied by my sister and her daughter, to the one in Toronto, Canada.

I was so excited about this event. There was drumming and dancing and prayers for peace, a labyrinth to walk and water that would be prayed for and then added to Lake Ontario. I was honoured to be part of this event and I was positive it would be really crowded with people who were also excited to be there. I made sure that we were on the train in good time so that we could absorb the energy and the peaceful vibes for as long as possible....

Well, arrive we did, in good time. The event was being held in the centre of the financial district, how ironic in some ways. The room was beautiful: wooden floors, high ceilings, great acoustics. I knew we were on time but where were all the people? In a room that could hold more than 300 it appeared that 50 or so were in attendance....I was actually disappointed that the crowd was not bigger but before the night was out it would be evident that there was lots of peace being sent out to Mama Earth despite the size of the crowd.

We chatted together, my sister and niece and I, we met some of the other attendees and then we claimed our spots. We had lots of choice.

Beautiful music accompanied the walkers of the labyrinth...a flute that sounded like birds flying in the distance, drums soundly faintly like a heart beat, water flowing in hidden fountains.....perfect venue for peaceful meditation.

Opening ceremonies sort of, this was a pretty low key affair, and then the drumming....I had been watching the drums arrive. So many of them, beautiful woods, colours as bright as the flowers from the jungles they were made in, fantastically huge drums and smallish bongos from Cuba and other far away places. I selected a red djembe, soft and dark wood, hand hewn carvings and red so fiery: a beautiful drum in it's own right.

The leader, Mr Doug Soul, (www.souldrums.com), led the group in the drum circle. The cool thing was he hardly talked at all: didn't talked but certainly communicated with us all and had all of us communicating with one another. We started with a heartbeat sound: the essence of a drum: all of us in unison drumming out the sound: all of us praying for peace throughout the world. We did that for an hour, different beats, different rhythms, different styles. It didn't matter if you were a novice or person who has played for a long time: we all taught each other something new.

At 7:00 pm we abruptly stopped for the prayer for peace. It was the same prayer being said at the same time in all of the 340 venues.....So, we weren't so many in numbers in the Tdot but, around the world, this is a force to be reckoned with....How cool was that? I found this connection, this heart connection, to be a very emotional and moving event.

Speaking of moving: the next part of the night was a dance. Not the traditional toe tapping jamboree or melee at the mosh pit....this was free style. This was "move to the rhythm of the music however it moves you: this was no holds barred do what you want" dancing...Grab a beat and start to move. And that's when things got interesting....

I've been to enough dances in my life to know a wall flower when I see one and there were plenty of them at Earthdance this night. The band played to the crowd, swaying and turning, jumping and kicking: Ok, at this point I'm saying crowd but really there were only about 10 people on the dance floor...What is it about "creative expression" that can set hearts racing and judgements jumping..."I'm not going out there people will laugh at me. I'm not going out there I don't know how to dance...." Beat, sway, twirl....more people joined....beat, sway, twirl....finally the floor was full. And there was one beautiful woman, among all of us beautiful women, who did not, could not, deny her soul....She was mesmerizingly joyful, she was dance itself, she was the beat, she was the song, she was the music....I've never seen anybody dance so creatively, move so easily, lift her feet off the dance floor with such ease and grace. Her face beamed, her smile lit up the room....I was in the presence of pure joy: I could feel it. I loved watching her, my niece was struck by her abilities, my sister by her spirit...

Remember that song by Sonny and Cher "And the beat goes on.?" That's what this was like...dancing and then a drumming session with the band...and the beat goes on....

Today I walked to the lake to reflect, to mend my sore muscles and to ponder, as I am wont to do, about the story I would write today. The waves crashed on the shore, rhythmic and solid, in and out, over and over.....and the beat goes on....I marveled at the night I had just had. I thought about the wallflowers who could not contain themselves any longer and jumped onto that dance floor ready to face their fears of "what will people think?" and just danced to their heart's content..."If you cant beat 'em, join em" Am I ever glad they did. (there was a very big elephant stampede in the room after that...)

Oh, and for those of you who may want to join in a prayer for peace next year, contact me for more info or go to Earthdance.org....

Just for fun: if you want to see a clip of how a facilitated drum circle works follow this youtube link....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mPIqrfdq24

Peace,
Thanks for listening,
Living la vida Fearless,

Jan

September 3, 2007

The Cost of Money

I had a discussion today with somebody about money: what it meant to them, what their goals with it were, what they would do if they had lots of it and when would "enough" be "enough" when it came to money. It was an interesting conversation and one that created some frustration on the part of the other person when I asked some of my questions..

That got me thinking, as I am wont to do, about the cost of money in a person's life...

What do I mean by the cost of money? So glad you asked. Allow me to explain if you will. \

As a self-employed coach I spend much of my time meeting new people, speaking at events and educating people on this industry. If somebody decides they would like to begin a working relationship together then I am happy to begin that dance with them. Oftentimes I am asked to meet with somebody, to discuss working together, to uncover the "elephant in the room" that's standing in their way of success: they're excited, they're motivated to move forward, they're eager to begin.. and then we talk about money. Estimates have shown that 95% of the population will not participate in a coaching relationship so the response I often hear at that point is "Oh, I can't afford that right now."

So, what's the cost of money in this respect? By placing a value on the personal growth one could experience working with a coach a value is also placed on the person's self-worth (my perspective here.) So the cost of money in this situation is that the personal growth doesn't evolve: the money stands in the way: the cost of money in my opinion is that the person has decided they are not "good enough" to be able to afford coaching. And, I have to tell you my friends, I have offered my services to some people for as little as $25 per month, for a full coaching package, and still been turned down....

"What's good enough" and "When will you know that enough is enough?" I asked in my conversation today. "Money is a tool, no more and no less" was the reply. "Good enough would enable me to travel well, to eat great food, to enjoy life" but when I prodded further the details were sketchy at best. "What does it mean to travel well? What amount of money would allow you to enjoy life?" And, further more, "What's stopping you from enjoying life right here and now?" ....the cost of money...it stops people from doing what they love because they think they "should" be doing something more responsible...

"Money is just a tool." Ok, if that's the case, then how's your toolbox? Is it full or empty, do the tools need to be sharpened? Do you take good care of them or do you toss them away and leave them until the next time? Do you add to the toolbox when you need a new tool or do you try to make do with something else? Do you buy so many tools that your shop is overflowing but never get around to doing the job? Do you even know where your toolbox is?

Statistics prove that the number one reason relationships fail is because of money: lack of it, too much of it, poor management of it...any number of reasons but the bottom line, the true cost of money, is the relationship you have with it and your perspective of what others "should" be doing with money.

There are many quotes about money: "Money is the root of all evil" from the Bible. "Lack of money is the root of all evil" George Bernand Shaw, "Money can't buy happiness but neither can poverty." Leo Rosten "Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time." Margaret Bonnano "Let me tell you, I've been rich and I've been poor: I like being rich much better." Frank Sinatra.....Money has been blamed for break ups and break downs: the cost of money can be failed relationships, but, as these quotes indicate, money definitely plays a big part in North American life. You either love it or hate it, or maybe both at different times, but there it is and it's pretty hard to live without some amount of money.

Some people have so much money they're not sure what to do with it. Some people have so little money they would love to be the recipients of those who have too much...Some people have just enough, just like Goldilocks, to be comfortable and live well enough..

The cost of money has many angles and I would love to hear some of your stories about this topic. Do you have enough, not enough, want more, don't know what you'd do with more, don't know what you'd do with less.....Send 'em in and I'll post some of them...

The bottom line for me on the cost of money is this: it's up to you to create your relationship with money: Scarcity thinking creates lack, wishing that the law of attraction will bring you money won't work you have to work at it: being afraid of success can be a cost of financial success as can the fear of failue...Choose what you want your money to do for you: be very clear, set your goals, be realistic and communicate clearly with yourself what it is you want. Once you begin to clarify your relationship with money don't be surprised if your other relationships get clearer too.....

Is money, or lack of it, your "elephant in the room" that you don't know how to train? Living la vida fearless can help. Coach Jan, aka on site elephant trainer, will assist you in uncovering your own tools to learn how to train the elephant and remember, it's only peanuts to train an elephant"

Just for fun, here's some statistics for you from the the Royal Canadian Mint about pennies: love or hate 'em, they're stillh here....The lower a coin's value, the less it's used; 66 per cent of respondents used loonies and toonies to make purchases, but only 37 per cent used pennies. Women use change more often than men do. Older people use coins much more often than younger people. Fewer than one in six aged 18 to 25 use pennies to make purchases, compared with slightly more than half of older respondents. Just over half the respondents collect pennies to deposit, spend or to give to children, churches or charities. And, did you know, using the one-cent coins costs Canadians $130 million a year to produce, store and transport, said group chief economist François Dupuis. Yet a company survey suggests that many Canadians don't like the coin, which has lost value since it was introduced a hundred years ago, and don't use it.

Thanks for listening,

Living la vida fearless, Jan

Tomorrow is August 8, 2007.....Not a special day for most people unless it's your birthday or anniversary but it's a special day for me and for my family. You see, ten years ago, on August 8, 1997 I was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's at the age of 41. My husband was 40, my daughter 14 and my son 11. I remember very clearly the conversation we had with them when my husband and I came home from the specialist that day. A tough, emotional and challenging discussion of frank honesty and sheer terror on all our parts. Seven years of medications, creating support groups, organizing superwalks to raise funds, writing, talking and starting cross border conventions....seven years and suddenly a new doctor tells me I had never had Parkinson's. The diagnosis was wrong and there was actually nothing medically wrong with me! Was this a miracle? Did I somehow "heal myself?" Were they wrong in the first place? Three years later I can tell you this: I definitely do not have Parkinson's disease. I am extremely healthy. I changed careers, I kept my family (they love me too.) we moved houses and completely changed our perspectives on many of the things in life that were no longer important and those that were...Today I spoke with my daughter who lives out west and asked her if she remembered how she felt that day. She shared a story with me and we both cried on the phone....and that was ok. Tomorrow I am having some kind of closure/celebration ceremony with my son and husband. Not sure what and not sure where as yet: the universe will let me know but it will be sacred and grateful and full of promise. I'll share a little secret with you right now though: it will definitely include the thought that I am so thankful for my health and do not, for one minute, forgot those friends who still suffer from Parkinson's on a constant basis. Yours is the hardest road of all. I wish you well. Much love, Jan