December 18, 2006

Reality TV: Flip That Perspective

Ok I admit it, I have watched a couple of the reality tv shows. The choice is staggering really: Survivor and all it's sequels, Nanny 911, X-Weighted, Biggest Loser, The Swan and of course the housing market ones...Buy Me, Sell This House and Flip This House.

Here's the thing about reality tv....drum roll please....it's not real. Not one single bit of it is real. It's all made up to look real. The people in the show are real and the situations may be real but there's no way that shows could be produced like that. It's all about the editing and cutting and rehearsing, yes rehearsing, and re-shooting. That's not reality...and yet the concept of reality tv shows is catching on so fast it's hard to keep up with the next big thing.

Which brings me to my point. I have come up with a new reality tv show. It's called Flip That Perspective.

The concept is pretty simple. You take a guy or a girl in a situation they don't like, perhaps a job they hate, a relationship they aren't happy in or a financial debacle of staggering proportions. You let them tell their reasons for staying where they are. (I call them excuses personally but that's just me) You give them a chance to explain themselves and then you offer them an opportunity to change things. The script would go something like this...Director, "Ok, now, pretend that you've just been offered a chance to change this situation." Reality TV actor, "Hmmmm, so how would I do that?" Director, "Well, imagine that you have left this lousy job and you are working somewhere that you really love." Reality TV Actor, "But that's not possible. I couldn't leave the job, I have a family to feed, debts to pay. I've been there for so long now what would I do?" Director, "This is why it's called ACTING....Act like you just got the job of your dreams and you're making! so much money you don't know what to do with it all." Reality TV Actor, " You know, I don't think I like this gig. Nobody told me it would be this hard to play the part....I mean that's really stretching my abilities as an actor. Couldn't I just pretend that I got a promotion in the same company? That would be easier..." Director, " Ok, work with me here please. Let's imagine you're looking into the future, five years from now, and you have faced all the difficulties and problems in the new job. You're happy, your family is content, you get to take two holidays a year with them, you are doing what you love. Now, what does it feel like to know this has happened already?" Reality TV Actor, "Well it feels really nice but I still don't see how this could happen. Nobody is going to give me a break like that. Why should they? Nobody gets off that easily and anyway, rich people aren't nice. They climb on the backs of others to reach their goals...I don't know this just seems too hard to do..." Director, "Nobody said it would be easy...I'm as! king you to Flip That Perspective. Change it up. Look at things a different way. If you always do what you've always done you're going to get what you've always got....Come on, you can do this."

At this point the crowd starts to chant......."Flip That Perspective, Flip That Perspective, Flip That Perspective..." It begins to sound somewhat like a mantra. The Reality TV Actor takes the leap, embraces the notion of having the new job, the great money, the happy relationship...A smile comes over the face, a glimpse of content eases the muscles around the eyes, the body language loosens up, the Reality TV actor is calm, relaxed, serene...The crowd goes wild.

Fast forward a few months. The director is up for an Oscar as is the Reality TV actor....Best non-fiction piece....And yet another drum roll..."The winner is Flip That Perspective: starring YOU!"

Sounds silly doesn't it? Would anybody watch it? Would you watch it? Better yet, what would it be like to actually be the actor in this show? Or, flipping it a little further, what if this really was real life? Sound preposterous? Don't let the name fool you. Take the time to look at a situation that you don't like in a new light. What is it about this situation that you don't like? What is bothering you about it? Flip That Perspective...how can you change it? What could you do to make it better? What would it feel like for something to be "easy" for you? What would it be like for something to be "hard" but worth it. AND what does "worth it" look like to you?

A few things to ponder as the New Year closes in and the time of resolutions begin....once again.

Always wanted to be a star? Well here's your chance.

Coming soon to a life near you, "Flip That Perspective." Hey, anybody bring the popcorn?

Happy Holidays...

Living la vida fearless, Jan

Living la vida fearless weekly edtion
November 28, 2006

Doctor's Waiting Room: A Happy Event

I had an appointment with a doctor this week. Nothing unusual really except that I was invited to see this doctor not because I was not feeling well, but because of the work I do. I was intrigued immediately. It's not often one gets an invite to have a discussion with somebody in the medical field about coaching. I was excited and really looking forward to this appointment. So much so, in fact, that I arrived half an hour early! Imagine that...arriving at a doctor's office and being told you have to wait and feeling like that was absolutely fine with you. I spent the time outside in the sunshine meditating.
I was curious to meet this doctor as they were interested in finding out how, and if, coaching could be an asset to their patients. I was intrigued by the holistic approach this could create for people who came to this place of healing.
I had a chance to sit in the outside waiting room for a few minutes and, since there was no reading material, I picked up the only piece of literature I could find. It was a manual: a user's manual in a sense, created by the medical team from this office. The manual clearly stated the doctor's mandate of providing the best medical care that she could with the tools she had at her disposal. The manual also clearly thanked her entire team, her gratitude at having such a great team and her gratitude for having such great patients. Wow! Further reading acknowledged that she was aware that time was always an issue, for the patient and the medical team. She acknowledged that she did not like running behind any more than her patients liked waiting in an office to see her. Another WOW! The manual clearly laid out the reasons that delays occur and the methods that the team used to try and alleviate them, while acknowledging that sometimes life just gets in the way: that they were all doing their best and that they hoped people would be compassionate and patient....Patient patients: hmmm, there's a concept.
That got me pondering, as I am wont to do, about the medical mess some people find themselves in. We are lucky in Ontario that we have "free" medical care. Having gone through a period in my life of being mis-diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, I know full well the needs of chronic care patients.
Let me share a little bit of my experience with you on this issue. I was 40 when I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. I began taking the medications immediately. I was one of the lucky ones with PD as I lived in a province where I did not have to pay to see my specialist and my husband had a great medical plan. I was to see the specialist every three months for six years before things changed. The medications I took cost more than $300 per month and I was on the low end of the scale for the amounts I was taking. I knew people who paid that out of pocket. That can make you poor really fast. Poor and ill...not a happy combination..But I digress.
I was lucky, as I said, to be receiving free medical care. The flip side to that issue is that the medical industry is over burdened, over worked, overwhelmed, under paid, (yes I mean that) and under thanked. It's not a job I would want to do and I am grateful there are people who choose this profession.
So, as time went on and I continued to show no more symptoms, the specialist only had me in her office for five mintues to "review" my progress. It took me more time to find a parking space!
Our conversations went something like this. The doctor, "So, how are you feeling?" Me, "Good, I'm feeling really good. Listen, is there any other way to check to see if I really have Parkinson's? " The doctor," Why do you ask?" Me,"Well, I organized a conference,workshop for People with Parkinsons this week and everybody in attendance kept asking me what my secret was? Why was I not "getting worse.? I had no answer. But I began to wonder if there could be an error in this diagnosis." The doctor," Jan, you're in denial. You do have Parkinson's. You have to accept that fact. Just be grateful that you're managing as well as you are...." Me, "Ok, you're the specialist. I trust your decision." In and out in five minutes...Big questions to be sure but the doctor was just so busy and this practise was a neurological specialty practise so there were, truly, people in a lot worse shape than I. I would leave the office feeling like I had not been acknowledged for my curiosity.
It took six years, four visits a year for six years, before I had a chance to get a second opinion from another neurologist. That's when I found out I had been mis-diagnosed. That doctor took the time to listen to me, to study my charts, to explore my history, to ask me questions. I was in that office for an hour and, in that hour, was told I had never had Parkinson's...that it was probably stress that had caused the tremor in my little finger. How did he know that? Well, for one thing, the tremors don't go away, even after you take the meds. That's part of the PD package. In one hour my life was turned upside down....again.
I had a chance to contact the original specialist to inform the office of the mis-diagnosis. I received a form letter indicating that an error in diagnosis can occur 20% of the time. And that's true: the rest of that story though is that there is another neurological problem such as ALS or Leweybody or MS. I had none of these. I was fine...I was grateful and angry and I told the specialist how I felt.
Here's the sad part of this for me. Our medical system is overburdened, overwrought with problems and overwhelmed. The people working in this business are paying exorbitant fees to insurance companies to cover mal-practise issues. They cannot, in my opinion, declare that they may have made a mistake for fear of being sued. The thought had occured to my husband that's for sure. Stating that they made a mistake leaves them wide open for litigation. Isn't that sad?
So, after many years of waiting in doctor's offices, of being told I was ill when I was not, of not being acknowledged, I wondered what to expect at this meeting last week. I went into this office with eyes wide open, perspective parked at the door and a heart full of kindness for this great person. I was not disappointed. I had heard a little bit about the doctor from one of her patients....she raved and for good reason.
What was it that felt so good about this office and the team? They acknowledged their patients: they set boundaries: they presented different perspectives: they stated what they knew and what they did not know: they provided an open, inviting opportunity for frank dialogues and they acted with integrity. Wow! Wouldn't it be great if we, as patients, could create an environment like that with our medical teams? Perhaps we can. Perhaps there is room for both sides to create a wonderful place of healing....I sure hope so.
Oh, and the piece de resistance in this office? The wall art. Beautiful water colours painted by the doctor's partner. Bright, happy, joyful colours framing the walls for all the world to see. What a lovely visit I had. I left the office feeling light of heart and full of inspiration knowing that this doctor was truly doing the best for her patients. What a great person. Oddly enough, there is no way to get in to see this doctor as the practise is full and they aren't taking any more patients. Perhaps they could teach what they do to others in the field...Now that would be cool!
What about you? Do you set boundaries? Do you adhere to them? What would it be like to be able to say yes or no to something and stick to that? Thoughts? I am always happy to receive your comments so send me an email if you want to add to this discussion.

Thanks for listening,

Living la vida fearless,

Jan

There's an Elephant in my Room..
There's an elephant in my room. He's big and he's taking up a lot of extra space. I feed him peanuts and straw. And, of course, water...he needs water....
My room was pretty small before the elephant showed up: now I can hardly move. He doesn't do much either. Just eats and drinks. Sometimes I jump on his back and go for a ride but it's not much fun cause the room is so small...we just go around in circles and then we're back where we started...
I can't really take him outside cause the neighbours would think I was crazy to have an elephant in my room. Some of the neighbours have seen him but not all of them. They don't say much actually.
He's really in the way, he isn't much of a conversationalist and, to be honest, he really smells awful. And the mess....I don't have enough gardens to compost all of his crap....I could fertilize all of Toronto with his waste....That's a lot of B.S. or I guess it's E.S.....
Don't get me wrong, I like elephants, but not in my room.......
I guess I could ask him to leave, or force him out, or pay somebody to take him away...But, I don't know where to start so I think I'll just have to get used to having him here. I really wish he'd just leave on his own... But NO....he just stays on, bugging me and using up my food and taking up all this room and smelling.... I really wish he'd go away...What am I supposed to do with an elephant in my room? And why did he pick me to come and stay with? Why do things like this always happen to me? He could have gone next door: they like animals, they have a dog....
It's funny really, when you think about it....there's an elephant in my room and nobody says anything but I know they all know...I wonder why they don't talk about my elephant. Well, if they're not going to say anything than I'm not: that's for sure. Maybe they haven't really noticed and I'm just being overly sensitive.
Or maybe not....Come on it's a dam elephant for goodness sake: who wouldn't notice that? Why doesn't somebody just come along and take him or rescue him or something? Why isn't anybody helping me out with this? Stuff like this is just so typical for my life. Well, I guess if he's not leaving I should probably add on an extra room or something for him to keep him warm in the winter....
There's an elephant in my room.....Did you notice?
Do you have an elephant in your room? What do you want to do but can't? What's stopping you? What's your elephant? Do you make excuses for your elephant....“well he can't really manage without me....it wouldn't be nice to just let him go“... Do you pretend he's not there? “What do you mean I'm wrong? I never make mistakes.“ What excuses do you make for him? “Oh him, the elephant, well he can't really help himself. He always loses his temper when he runs out of peanuts. Just ignore him.”
Want to make some room in your life: get rid of an elephant?
Fearless Living Coaching Services.....we're not afraid of elephants....
Is coaching for you? Complimentary discovery sessions available.
Janet Auty-Carlisle Fearless Living Coaching Services 647 298 7444 www.tobeyourbest.net
It's only peanuts to get rid of an elephant....

The Freedom of Democracy

The sun didn't even promise to make an appearance as my husband and I headed out this past Saturday. We were headed to the
local Cenotaph for the Remembrance Day ceremonies being held in Port Credit. I wasn't sure what to expect since this was the first
time we had been to such a ceremony in our new community but I had a pretty good idea. Pomp and circumstance, Flander's Fields
being read, bagpipes and taps being played. Ritual and ceremony.
A crowd of about 150 people were milling about as we arrived, ten minutes to eleven, on November 11. "The war to end all wars"
is what those in the front lines called it...And then there was the second world war, and the Korean War and the Vietnam war and the
war in the middle east now....Would that those words could have been true...."The war to end all wars..." indeed.
The rain began just as the bugler started his rendition of taps. Umbrellas went up as the rain came down: cold and wet and
miserable. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable in my little jacket and running shoes. As I thought about my chill I felt a chill run
through my body: listening to the words of those who could not be there through the words of the poem "Flanders Fields." "We shall
not rest" Indeed.
A thought suddenly occured to me as I listened and watched and reflected. Had these people not gone to war for their beliefs,
for their honour to their country, for their patriotism and their down to the core belief that what they were doing was the right thing...had
they not sacrificed their lives I would not be standing in the cold rain feeling chilly.
I began to think about what it must have been like for these men,mostly, in the trenches. Away from home, cold, wet, scared,
hungry, fearless in their belief that they were doing the right thing...
Two minutes of silence for years of sacrifice. Hardly seems a fair exchange. The rain is falling and it's hard to know which are
tears running down my face and which are tears. It doesn't matter.
I am grateful to these unknown soldiers who gave up their futures so that I, and my family, could have ours. I am grateful that
I live in a country, in a town, in a region that allows me to consider whether I agree with war or not. I am grateful that I can voice my
opinions in these writings and in my talks and not have to worry that I will be silenced. That is freedom. They did that for us. I do not
know who they are and I am eternally grateful to them.
You live in a country that allows you to choose what you want to do with your life, where you want to live, who you want to
spend time with, how much money you want to save, where you want to travel. This freedom is a gift. What will you do with your
choices? What offers do you see from the freedoms you have? What barriers do you see? What's a way to "climb out of the trenches"
if you will and face those fears to make those dreams come true. Finally, what are you waiting for?
A history of the making of "In Flander's Fields"...

Just as I was finishing this story I heard this song...It's relevant and it only takes "A Pittance of Time" to watch...
Enjoy...

(click on the video icon to see the movie.)


Thanks for listening,

Living la vida fearless,

Jan

I had my story all done on Sunday night. I had decided to talk about the concept of being infallible and the other side to that which is being fallible. From there I was going to look at the notion of changing being fallible to being FallAble..as in Able to Fall. Able to Fall, for me, means having the ability to try, to work at something hoping for success and accepting that there may be some failure, some fallout, and doing it anyway...
And then I heard the interview by Rush Limbaugh and Michael J. Fox... "The best laid plans of mice and men."
I don't know if you have heard the interview or heard, around the water cooler, snippets of the interview: allow me....Michael J Fox, as many of you know, has been afflicted with Parkinson's Disease in excess of 15 years. Rush Limbaugh has never had it. Michael J Fox is a strong proponent of stem cell research, a controversial medical procedure given the religious implications involved. I am not jumping into the fray on that issue. I am jumping into the fray on the issue of Mr. Limbaugh's decision to mock Michael J Fox after the interview indicating that Michael chose not to take his medications for the interview to make himself look more vulnerable....Mr. Limbaugh sat in his chair and wiggled around like a fish in the desert apparently imitating Michael's "acting."
I'm guessing you're seeing where I'm going with this. Having been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease myself at the young age of 40 I know full well the choice of taking, and not taking, medications. Take them and feel better for a while: don't take them and you either freeze up like a popsicle in winter in the Yukon or you shake around like a mariachi band in a salsa show. It's called dyskensia: you don't get to pick which reaction you will experience: depends on the time of day, the way you are feeling: the stresses you are under and a myriad of other issues....To insinuate that this is a choice one has comes from a place of complete incompetence of journalistic research. Give me a break!
I personally know many of the people that are part of the Michael J Fox Parkinson community. I was involved with the community on an activist and advocacy level for many years. The aim of all of the groups was to create awareness about Parkinsons disease. One of my friends worked tirelessly to educate police officers around North America on how to recognize a person with Parkinson's disease. This was after she had been picked up for drunken behaviour while walking in her local mall. She was not drunk but she could not convince the officers. It was after that humiliating experience that she took it upon herself to ensure others would not suffer her disgrace.
I worked with medical practitioners, educators, the media and business people in conjunction with other Parkinsonians to educate them of what Parkinson's is like and that, yes, young people do get it....It was through this work that I was able to get a second opinion from a different neurologist. It was through this work that I was told that I had never had Parkinson's disease. You can read more about that at www.tobeyourbest.net or in the archives of Worthwhile magazine. The point was to inform and to educate and to ensure that people with Parkinson's, and other medical issues, were treated with dignity and respect.
And then there was the interview. Here's the link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXs6xyHMOg) to the response by Mr. Limbaugh. You can read more about the entire story at this youtube link: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14pGY1P97L8).
So, today I'm ranting and raving quite frankly. I got the "get out of jail free" card. I am grateful, eternally, for this opportunity. It was because of this mis-diagnosis that I finally discovered my true passion of coaching people who want to live fearlessly. Had I not had this experience I would not have the drive, the passion and the juicy conversations I have to do this work...So, I am grateful BUT I'm still an advocate for PD patients. I still have many friends who were not so lucky. I choose to speak up when it is time and this is the time.
Rush Limbaugh was wrong to imitate Michael J Fox in that way. He had a point to make and that's fine. Did he have to be so theatrical about it? I say no. His "apology" states that he thought Michael was off his meds to prove a point, "after all he is an actor. He could have been acting." Well wasn't Limbaugh doing exactly the same thing to prove his point?
Which makes me think: perhaps this story was about being FallAble after all. Rush Limbaugh made a mistake he says, sort of. Michael J Fox has admitted in the past to going off his meds to show Congress what it's like to suffer the inequities of Parkinson's Disease. Are either of them infallible? Apparently not. Are either of them FallAble? Let's reserve judgement on that one shall we?
What are your thoughts on this? Was anybody right? Was anybody wrong? Was Limbaugh right in bringing up this issue of going off meds to prove a point? Anybody fearless in all of this? I'd love to hear your comments...Send them to me at fearlessliving@rogers.com
As always, just for fun...follow this link for some giggles and wiggles....http://www.thewiggles.com.au/au/about/. Perhaps Mr. Limbaugh could take lessons on how to really wiggle from this group! Thanks for listening. Living la vida fearless, Jan